goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get...well, you know.

this is a late-night post. obviously. i can't sleep, because i'm stuck at my parent's home, and unable to get home to blake. well, i could, but i'm trying to repair the relationship i have with my dad. let's backtrack a little, shall we?


my father and i butt heads all the time. seriously. 85% of our interactions consist of arguing on some meaningless topic. he hates the fact that i'm an atheist, or he hates my political views, or he hates my tattoos and my nose ring. he hates my boyfriend. blake's probably the biggest thing in my life that he hates the most. and boy, does he love to hate blake. recently, i got tired of him calling the man i love "scum" and "a bastard," so i politely informed him that he wanted to trash my boyfriend one more time, he could feel free to, but he wouldn't be speaking to me for a long time. he then proceeded to force me to move out of the house (not thati  really live there anyway, but it's a temporary home base for my stuff). we've gotten over this little spat, but the contents of my room (meaning, the entirety of the physical elements of my life) are still packed and in my car.


i'm really not mad anymore. and frankly, neither is he. we'll fix things. i invited him to the restaurant tonight and had dessert with him after i got off work. there's a few things i want to tell him, though. the only problem is, i'm afraid he'll get extremely angry.


you see, blake and i have been talking about getting married. i know what you're probably thinking. you're only twenty-something, and you've known this guy for less than a year and you already want to marry him? my answer is a firm and resounding absolutely, without a doubt. we'll consider this the post where i go all mushy and gushy about this boy, and then it will only be mentioned rarely in only occasional tidbits in random posts, to spare you from the embarrassment. i've always imagined meeting a boy so compatible with me that it seems like a fairytale, but until blake actually entered my life, i never dreamed that that dream would ever become a reality. i am the luckiest person in the world. i'm extremely picky, get bored easily, and if i'm not bored, i push people away when i need my "alone time." which is why, in the past, my mostly long-distance relationships have worked extremely well, and when i visited, i was the one to visit, so i could quickly jet if i felt that need to be a recluse and profuse my love through texts instead of actually talking face-to-face and...hugging and things like that. not with blake. in the nine+ months we've been together, not a day has passed where i've felt the need to get away and be alone for a while. i basically started living with him about a week after we met. it only felt natural to the both of us. we're literally inseparable. even doing different things at opposite sides of the room is nice. it's not that we feel the need to be constantly around each other, it's simply more natural, more comfortable, to have one another around.


but back to this marriage thing. blake and i have talked about it before, but we'd always envisioned us getting married several years down the road. even getting engaged several years down the road. blake, while not uncomfortable with the idea of being engaged / getting married to me, had had a terrible experience being engaged at an early age with his first major relationship. so i was careful to tread lightly around the subject, never wanting to make him feel like i was pressuring him into it. lately, however, his thoughts towards gettin' hitched have changed quite drastically. mutual friends have revealed to me that he's been talking about it a little more and more lately. last night, he mentioned even asking for his family's heirloom wedding ring, passed down through four generations. this boy is for serious.


and i would like to talk to my dad about it. even just mention it briefly. it's not a big deal to us, really. it's a major decision to make, yes. but getting legally married to us has never been and never will be a big deal. it's simply...another step to take in our relationship. our vows to each other aren't more meaningful or more validated (in our own eyes, at least - which, in a marriage, are the only eyes that matter) by the existence of a legal document. the only things that would really change is financial things, my last name, and what we'd call each other instead of "boyfriend" and "girlfriend." and please, spare me the "marriage changes people" speech, if you had planned on giving it to me. i'm not the type of person to ignore sage advice, but relationships and marriages are a very personal, individual thing. every one is different, and blake and i are the epitome of unconventional. we don't approach the idea of marriage traditionally, and never will. that's simply not who we are.


this is getting extraordinarily long. in the event that this was too long, and you didn't read it: blake and i are discussing the possibility of getting married. my angry father, who hates my boyfriend, will probably have an aneurysm and die at the mention of it, so i guess that'll at least spare me the screaming raging fit that will surely come afterward. if i ever bring it up to good ol' dad, that is.